The world ending option- making your parent a ward of the state

I'm going to take a break from proving what Sonya did was a horrible thing and give some advice.

The option of making your elderly parent a ward of the state is always an option, an option of last resort.

It was first presented when Adult Protective Services (APS) were asking Mike, Carol's son, my husband, to get more involved. Mike was annoyed with APS because, the way he saw it, this government agency was trying to drive a wedge between him and his sister. He didn't trust them. So their suggestion that they become the conservator of Carol was one way for Mike to step away and let the state take over. That would have been easier. That would have saved us lots of money in legal fees and bonds, stupid $1,000 and $1,500 a year, non-refunded bonds. But if this route was taken, the state would have charged Sonya (yay) for what she did but Mike would not have any input in her care and whatever assets she still had would have been seized by the state. Our concern was that APS seemed more interested in prosecuting Sonya (a good thing) than helping Carol get out of the situation she was in. So we were concerned that Carol's care would fall through the cracks, and that she would remain in the poor living conditions of Kirkwood Villa with no change.

Thankfully, Mike did not need to travel to San Jose to appear before a judge to become the conservator of his mother's person and estate. He was on a conference call sort of thing. Because of the nature of the call Mike could hear other cases. There was another case before his where the family came before the judge to explain they could no longer care for an adult relative, and wanted the state to take over. So we were very aware that if it became too much or too hard, this was an option. And it did get too hard, it damaged our marriage (has since been repaired) and it put our adoption plans on hold (we now have an adopted son), but we did not pull that trigger. There was a moment, when Carol was feeling horribly low and she suggested that Mike give up on her and let the state take over. We knew she was speaking from a place of depression. Kirkwood was just a place to watch TV and wait for the end.

Mike made many mistakes in Carol's care, mainly due to the overly complicated nature of conservatorships and being on the other side of the country... most of it being on the other side of the country. We do not regret not making Carol a ward of California. Once we got her on the east coast it got easier. There were still health crises but it was comparatively easier in Maryland compared to when these things happened in California.

The state will take whatever assets are in the person's estate and there is no inheritance for the remaining family members. Now whether those assets will be used to better the situation of the depends. In Carol's case the cost of her care was more than what she was getting from her remaining investments that Sonya didn't steal, and her pension. If she didn't die, she was going to run out of money to cover the cost of her care by this summer, and we were going to have to figure out how to cover the costs. So it is hard to imagine that the state would put her in a better facility.

The state would have also put Sonya in prison if Carol became their ward. At the time, we didn't know, what we now know, and Mike is unreasonably loyal. This whole blog is a reminder of why he should press charges against his sister. But at the time we thought she had custody of her minor children and we were concerned about what would happen with them if she was put away. The kids were already traumatized by the separation of their parents, we didn't want to add to the sorrow. Now one kid is going to college and I think the other would be better off with her biological father.

Useful Links:
 Having an Adult Made Ward of the State-  ExpertLaw.com
Guardianship of Incapacitated or Disabled Persons- FindLaw.com
How to Make an Adult a Ward of the State-  LegalBeagle.com