Trust but verify

This was written as a draft back in 2016. I decided to publish in 2018.

"Trust but verify"
-- Russian Proverb

Earlier this year my husband was told by Adult Protective Services that the accounts were frozen to keep my sister in law from spending more of Mom's money.

Well that was a lie.

When we finally got bank statements, after requesting them, we saw, well I saw (because DH doesn't do finance) that sister in law (SIL) was spending money well up until the time DH took over the finances and had the money transferred to the conservator account. We were recently told those old accounts are still active. Those are the accounts the pension (she does not get social security) and what's left of the investment account direct deposits into. As far as we know SIL is back to spending Mom's money.

Nothing runs automatically or smoothly in the transition. We are told things that are not true (like the accounts are frozen) or told incomplete information that only when we verify or attempt to verify discover that there are more steps. Just because you write a check to Social Security for the Medicare that wasn't paid for, doesn't mean it is reinstated. Just because Kaiser said they are sending the medication via mail does not mean the medication will be sent. Just because the pension people said that the direct deposit will be changed in 2-3 weeks after you turn in the form, does not mean that the direct deposit will be changed. Just because the lawyer said you'd get conservatorship in about a week... you know.

It was frustrating for me because at the start of this I was trying to get him to get on-line access to the accounts so he could monitor them. Or more accurately, I could monitor them. But no. So in So at the bank said she opened the conservator account and checks will arrive. Another person at the bank sent a balance statement where only the last few numbers of the account were shown, and to my DH that was okay with him. Same thing with Kaiser and the pension, there is the possibility of tracking these things on line but he prefers the annoyance of having to contact various persons at various institutions to leave messages or wait for them to get back to him and play "mother may I" with various staff instead of directly controlling what can be directly controlled. I find it very frustrating.

My DH is in not trust mode. It is an ugly side of him. He is normally a very trusting, somewhat gullible guy at times, but quite cheerful. This process is turning him into a bitter, distrustful and slightly paranoid bastard, well when he thinks about caring for his mother.

So he has to contact the bank to request that all those accounts get closed. He has to track down where the pension money is and where did it go.

UPDATE- I shared part of this with DH and he made an effort to see what could and could not be accessed online. The pension is a no go, it is only for the pensioner, not conservators or those with POA. Kaiser is working on it and he'll have to go to the local office. DH is a good guy, but this is too much for him alone.