I was on my way to deal with a problem in another city, when it dawned on me that I believe I have forgiven Sonya.
Forgiveness is not forgetting.
Love the sinner, hate the sin. What she did was horrible. But she herself is deserving of forgiveness. We can blame it on her mental health. We can blame it on her season of life. She can be redeemed.
So what does that mean now? Well this site is not going away. As I said, forgiveness isn't forgetting. It this site can help someone else who may be in the same boat, then hopefully they too can see the warning signs and do what needs to be done before they are forced to let their relative become a ward of the state or become conservator. Both are bad. There are still other relatives who could be abused by Sonya, pretending this never happened could come to harm them.
It means I'm not going to seek harm to Sonya. I've stopped asking Mike, her brother, to seek criminal charges against her. Years back I kept hounding him, and bugging him to file charges. He didn't then because he was busy trying to care for his mom. Now there is no interest and we all want to move on with our lives.
So we will move forward. Lawyers are f*cking expensive, but they provide a protective buffer for our family against any future abuse or claims by Sonya so we can move forward without thinking about her. Also Mike is big on the forgetting so forgiveness seems to be a part of it.
Where's Sonya? Last we heard, homeless, in a vehicle with no money in Oregon or Washington State. She may have made it back to California. She had requested the phone number of a relative who lived in Oregon and Mike, without thinking, gave her the number. When he told me, I told him he should give the relative a heads up. So he called the relative, left a message, a very vague message that Sonya was experiencing some trouble but not saying what. Sigh.
Anyway, on ward and forward.
Showing posts with label lawyers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lawyers. Show all posts
Thursday, December 20, 2018
Monday, June 4, 2018
Very Conservative Conservatorship- Or sort of how it should have been done June-July 2016
Looking at the conservatorship account and the spending there, it is a complete swing of the pendulum from spending like a crazy person to barely spending at all.
Instead of republishing the bank statements, which are somewhere, I just exported the data, removed some identifying information and put it in an Excel spreadsheet.
In two months, there are seven transactions. Under Sonya she would have had seven transactions in about 2 days. To be slightly fair June was sort of a wash because Mike, the son of the victim, was still having trouble communicating to the bank. Earlier that month he had to beg the staff to send a check on Carol, his mother and the victim, to Kirkwood Villa to pay for the June rent. July was also messy as CalSTRs weren't sending Carol's pension to the new account yet.
A lot you don't see here is the money Mike and I spent in regards to Carol from our own accounts. We'd already dipped into our savings for about $7000 for a retainer fee for the lawyers to make the conservatorship happen. When Mike did get access to his mother's funds, or what little was left after Sonya devoured their mother's retirement savings, he had to deal with the first health crises of his conservatorship, trying to get diabetes medicine to his mother who just lost her Medicare prescription parts. We were very willing to spend our own money to try to get her the medication she needed.
So let's review July 2016
July 1st there is a withdrawal of $3,300 via check #101. That was for Carol's stay at Kirkwood Villa. July 7th, there was a transfer of $3085.98 from one of Carol's accounts. I will guess it is from the frozen account that Sonya, prior to the freeze had access. It looks like it is the CalSTRs pension money. I do remember we were very anxious about transferring that as quickly as possible so Sonya would not be able to get her hands on any more of Carol's money. July 31st the bank charged a service fee of $6 and provided a dividend of zilch.
Because Mike wanted to make sure he was following the rules, he barely spent any money. By 2017 he learned to spend a little bit more, splurging for a nurse/companion to take Carol out on day trips and to the doctor, so she wouldn't be stuck inside all week. The problem was that Carol's pension of about $3000 a month did not cover her stay at Kirkwood Villa which was $3300 a month, about a $300 a month difference. This doesn't even begin to cover her medical bills. Going back to the $10,000 Sonya took for Child Support, that could have covered the deficit for several years. Thankfully, Sonya did not get all the savings, there was still a little something left in the investment account and there was this pesky other investment that we couldn't figure out what the heck it was. Thankfully, neither could Sonya.
This was more of the right way. Funds under the conservatorship were spent to care for Carol. Finds should not to cover Uber trips for teenagers or supplies for the POA's business ventures.
Below is the JPG. Click for a larger image
Instead of republishing the bank statements, which are somewhere, I just exported the data, removed some identifying information and put it in an Excel spreadsheet.
In two months, there are seven transactions. Under Sonya she would have had seven transactions in about 2 days. To be slightly fair June was sort of a wash because Mike, the son of the victim, was still having trouble communicating to the bank. Earlier that month he had to beg the staff to send a check on Carol, his mother and the victim, to Kirkwood Villa to pay for the June rent. July was also messy as CalSTRs weren't sending Carol's pension to the new account yet.
A lot you don't see here is the money Mike and I spent in regards to Carol from our own accounts. We'd already dipped into our savings for about $7000 for a retainer fee for the lawyers to make the conservatorship happen. When Mike did get access to his mother's funds, or what little was left after Sonya devoured their mother's retirement savings, he had to deal with the first health crises of his conservatorship, trying to get diabetes medicine to his mother who just lost her Medicare prescription parts. We were very willing to spend our own money to try to get her the medication she needed.
So let's review July 2016
July 1st there is a withdrawal of $3,300 via check #101. That was for Carol's stay at Kirkwood Villa. July 7th, there was a transfer of $3085.98 from one of Carol's accounts. I will guess it is from the frozen account that Sonya, prior to the freeze had access. It looks like it is the CalSTRs pension money. I do remember we were very anxious about transferring that as quickly as possible so Sonya would not be able to get her hands on any more of Carol's money. July 31st the bank charged a service fee of $6 and provided a dividend of zilch.
Because Mike wanted to make sure he was following the rules, he barely spent any money. By 2017 he learned to spend a little bit more, splurging for a nurse/companion to take Carol out on day trips and to the doctor, so she wouldn't be stuck inside all week. The problem was that Carol's pension of about $3000 a month did not cover her stay at Kirkwood Villa which was $3300 a month, about a $300 a month difference. This doesn't even begin to cover her medical bills. Going back to the $10,000 Sonya took for Child Support, that could have covered the deficit for several years. Thankfully, Sonya did not get all the savings, there was still a little something left in the investment account and there was this pesky other investment that we couldn't figure out what the heck it was. Thankfully, neither could Sonya.
This was more of the right way. Funds under the conservatorship were spent to care for Carol. Finds should not to cover Uber trips for teenagers or supplies for the POA's business ventures.
Sunday, June 3, 2018
Steal from your mother to pay child support April-May 2016 part 2
Please see part one.
In an effort to keep this simple I am not going to reprint the a couple year's worth of Facebook messages. I will sum them up because Sonya's messages to her brother are lengthy. Also at a point Mike, the brother of Sonya and the son of the victim Carol, stops communicating via Facebook and I'm the one managing his Facebook page.
Mike became conservator of his mother in the Summer of 2016 and began the difficult task of trying to care for her 3000 miles away. July 15, 2016 Sonya sent a short message asking for help with rent. This was a month after she was cut off from her mother's funds. Mike responded that day that we could not help her as we were dipping into our savings to deal with Carol's various health crises, part of which was caused by Sonya not making sure Medicare and Kaiser were paid. By that time we had dipped into savings to pay for lawyers and a bond, along with the other things Carol needed. December 2016, Mike sent a FB message to Sonya asking her to see their mother. Apparently, she had their mother hang out with some of Sonya's friends from DC.
August 8, 2017 Mike sent a FB message telling Sonya he was taking their mom out of California to care for her. Sonya hadn't been visiting their mother on any regular basis, and as usual Sonya's phone number had changed and Mike had no way of reaching her. Mike contacted Sonya's ex who gave a number but we're not sure if it was valid. August came and went and Mike brought Carol to live at Independence Court in Hyattsville, MD. Mike visited at least once or twice a week.
October 15, 2017 Sonya contacted Mike via FB messenger asking for money on behalf of her son Mike1. By this time Mike was fully aware of the lies Sonya had told and did not trust this. Mike did not respond so this was followed by a long rant from Sonya trying to send Mike on another guilt trip. This was followed by three audio recordings of Sonya, Mike1 and Rocci, where Sonya claimed Rocci was verbally abusing the teenage son Mike1. I only listened to two of the recordings. Everyone is horrible. She then sends another message telling Mike never to contact her or her kids.
By December 2017 Mike gave up on FB because our friends can get too political. I updated it from time to time to keep the people at Mike's church updated with Carol's health so they could pray for them. That's when I caught a message Sonya sent, all apologetic and sweet. I responded, letting her know it was me, and I'd pass it on to Mike. She did not care for me acting as a filter between her and her brother and mother. That same day, mean nasty Sonya was back. She set off my own mean streak, so in between updating her about her mom's health, I also egged her on. I'm going to blame being bored and being stuck home with a new baby (Mike2). So here is the exchange.
Later
In part 3 I'll go over this last part.
In an effort to keep this simple I am not going to reprint the a couple year's worth of Facebook messages. I will sum them up because Sonya's messages to her brother are lengthy. Also at a point Mike, the brother of Sonya and the son of the victim Carol, stops communicating via Facebook and I'm the one managing his Facebook page.
Mike became conservator of his mother in the Summer of 2016 and began the difficult task of trying to care for her 3000 miles away. July 15, 2016 Sonya sent a short message asking for help with rent. This was a month after she was cut off from her mother's funds. Mike responded that day that we could not help her as we were dipping into our savings to deal with Carol's various health crises, part of which was caused by Sonya not making sure Medicare and Kaiser were paid. By that time we had dipped into savings to pay for lawyers and a bond, along with the other things Carol needed. December 2016, Mike sent a FB message to Sonya asking her to see their mother. Apparently, she had their mother hang out with some of Sonya's friends from DC.
August 8, 2017 Mike sent a FB message telling Sonya he was taking their mom out of California to care for her. Sonya hadn't been visiting their mother on any regular basis, and as usual Sonya's phone number had changed and Mike had no way of reaching her. Mike contacted Sonya's ex who gave a number but we're not sure if it was valid. August came and went and Mike brought Carol to live at Independence Court in Hyattsville, MD. Mike visited at least once or twice a week.
October 15, 2017 Sonya contacted Mike via FB messenger asking for money on behalf of her son Mike1. By this time Mike was fully aware of the lies Sonya had told and did not trust this. Mike did not respond so this was followed by a long rant from Sonya trying to send Mike on another guilt trip. This was followed by three audio recordings of Sonya, Mike1 and Rocci, where Sonya claimed Rocci was verbally abusing the teenage son Mike1. I only listened to two of the recordings. Everyone is horrible. She then sends another message telling Mike never to contact her or her kids.
By December 2017 Mike gave up on FB because our friends can get too political. I updated it from time to time to keep the people at Mike's church updated with Carol's health so they could pray for them. That's when I caught a message Sonya sent, all apologetic and sweet. I responded, letting her know it was me, and I'd pass it on to Mike. She did not care for me acting as a filter between her and her brother and mother. That same day, mean nasty Sonya was back. She set off my own mean streak, so in between updating her about her mom's health, I also egged her on. I'm going to blame being bored and being stuck home with a new baby (Mike2). So here is the exchange.
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Dealing with Lawyers tip- email don't call
My husband, who is trying to take over the care of his mother from the other side of the country is dealing with lawyers, very expensive $150-$300 an hour lawyers, who specialize in elder law. He wants to call them about this that and the other thing.
Voice is a lovely thing, however at $2.50 or $5 a minute a guy who punctuates his speech with a lot of "and um, and um, ums" and pauses while he gathers his thoughts should stay the hell away from the phone with people so damned expensive. But he loves talking with people, even if he doesn't know what questions to ask.
These lawyers have email. It is just a matter of getting my wonderful husband to use that instead of expensive calls.
Don't I sound frustrated?
If I could actually do something I would, but I have no legal standing in any of this.
The other problem is all this is confusing so a phone call seems like a waste when you need the lawyer to explain, AGAIN, what the heck you need to do. In an email, you can go back and read the email.
However, email isn't the end all. You can get forms but you can't send them back to the lawyer via email. We were trying to be careful with Mom's social security number, which I've nearly memorized. So at $44 a pop we mail things via FedEx to the lawyer that can't go into a drop box where we hope the folks at the law office doesn't email to someone in their office.
The lawyers tell us that Mom's estate or the "conservatorship" will reimburse us.... well when we thought there was money left, we believed that. But it appears there is no money, and we will have to dip into our own savings. I'm going to get pissy, my savings, as I'm the breadwinner and it was my system of saving and my larger earnings that made that saving possible. Financial management is not my husband's strong suit, nor his sister's.
We already ate through the $5000 retainer and he's been told there is another $5000 bill waiting for him when the lawyer's work is done.
Voice is a lovely thing, however at $2.50 or $5 a minute a guy who punctuates his speech with a lot of "and um, and um, ums" and pauses while he gathers his thoughts should stay the hell away from the phone with people so damned expensive. But he loves talking with people, even if he doesn't know what questions to ask.
These lawyers have email. It is just a matter of getting my wonderful husband to use that instead of expensive calls.
Don't I sound frustrated?
If I could actually do something I would, but I have no legal standing in any of this.
The other problem is all this is confusing so a phone call seems like a waste when you need the lawyer to explain, AGAIN, what the heck you need to do. In an email, you can go back and read the email.
However, email isn't the end all. You can get forms but you can't send them back to the lawyer via email. We were trying to be careful with Mom's social security number, which I've nearly memorized. So at $44 a pop we mail things via FedEx to the lawyer that can't go into a drop box where we hope the folks at the law office doesn't email to someone in their office.
The lawyers tell us that Mom's estate or the "conservatorship" will reimburse us.... well when we thought there was money left, we believed that. But it appears there is no money, and we will have to dip into our own savings. I'm going to get pissy, my savings, as I'm the breadwinner and it was my system of saving and my larger earnings that made that saving possible. Financial management is not my husband's strong suit, nor his sister's.
We already ate through the $5000 retainer and he's been told there is another $5000 bill waiting for him when the lawyer's work is done.
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