Lies about access and screwing the landlord

I'm a landlady so re-reading these texts from Sonya to Mike looks like a word salad of BS as she talks about finally leaving the house she rented with their mother's money. I gather it was dawning on her that at some point the social workers from Adult Protective Services would be right and the account she had access to would be frozen and her ability to use the money to maintain the lifestyle of which she was accustomed to, but not accustomed to funding, would be gone.

The lease was supposed to end in April. But she, despite her brother Mike asking her to just let the year lease end, decided she was going to continue to live there. And live off her mother's money without the bother of caring for their mother.

Without much further ado, here are the texts. Compare them to the spending that occurred in May, by looking at the statements there.

Steal from your mother to pay child support April-May 2016 part 3

Please see parts 1 and 2.
So I confronted Sonya with this image.

In it I asked, "Why is a 73 year old woman living in a senior home paying child support??" and "Did Carole get to ride in the Ubers? Did she make calls to people in prison? She paid for it. And moving money isn't fooling anyone. If you can prove that the money isn't fooling anyone. If you can prove that the money you spent on yourself and your kids is from money you made and not just spending down your mother's retirement, I'll eat crow. You squandered your mother's retirement nest egg. Her health has suffered as a result, When she dies, part of it will be your fault."

Up until then I had held my tongue, and just said there was a rift between brother and sister. I had mentioned this to Kay and maybe Mike1, Sonya's sons. But as I said, I was on parental leave with Mike2 and maybe had too much time on my hands. Mike2 was a 3 month old at this time so, I was running on no sleep so I was weak. However, my sense of justice is still annoyed that she was able to get away with doing this to the woman who raised her.

Anyway, this was her answer:

I'm going to try to translate this into Standard English.  I'm also going to comment:

"Well finally some communication and yes, I see your point. Now I am able to explain these things. I will show my bank statement for US Bank that shows that $10,000 from child support was levied out of the account and I got $8,500 from my tax return, that was paid to them, so ultimately, $1,500 was her money."

Okay, I'm a Humanities major so I don't do math all that well, but this is BS. If she had her own bank account why wasn't she using that for the medical weed and the cigarettes? I doubt such an account exists. Regardless of how much Sonya got from her tax return, the $10,000 was all Carol's money, not $1,500. Sonya should not have been mixing her own spending with her mother's account. She abused her role as POA.

"and I will talk about me moving and breaking the lease in 14 days from March 2016 when he had the conservatorship freeze the accounts. I had days to pay the rent or quit. I was left destitute having to move with the kids and there was no explanation as the what the Hell was going on."

She decides to switch the topic. She also has mistaken me for her brother Mike, and thinks I can be guilt tripped. She has since discovered she can't manipulate me, and has asked Mike to keep me out of the loop and asked me never to contact her. The situation she is talking about here is something I like to point out to Mike to show him there was nothing he could have done to stop his sister from becoming the POA and ruining their mother's life. The lease for the house she rented for their mother was supposed to end either in late March or April. Sonya got it in her head that she could continue to rent the place. Mike asked her to let the lease end, and of course, she ignored him. There was no reason why Carol, the mother and real victim here, should have had to pay for a house that was in better condition than the place she was living in, and pay for the room where Carol was living. 

During this time the Santa Clara Adult Protective services social workers were probably telling her that the accounts were frozen in March and April. Looking at the bank statements, it doesn't matter because there are more than 6 pages of spending for those months. And the credit union, which I'll call the bank for simplicity's sake, did not freeze the account until the 1st of June. And Mike didn't get any sort of conservatorship powers until May, and even then a lot of places kind of ignored it.

Another thing, and I'll get back to Sonya's screed, once Carol was out of the three bedroom house Sonya should have realized that the end was near and she'd have to put on her big girl pants and support herself.

"The District Attorney for Adult Protective Services came to my house to interview me and potentially arrest me for the claims made my anonymous people of financial abuse."

Hi, I'm Mike's wife and this blog is about how Sonya abused her mother. I gather the bank and later the social workers at Kaiser tipped them off. Sadly, nobody arrested Sonya.

"The District Attorney after the interview and a detailed investigation of that very Alliance account with a fine tooth comb, said there is absolutely no proof of these crimes and found me innocent on all charges and closed the case. So the law says I did not do that."

What stopped the investigation was Mike becoming the conservator in order to save his sister from going to jail. Mike is horribly loyal, sometimes for the wrong reasons, and that's why it has been so frustratingly hard for me to get him to file charges. To my knowledge she was never brought to court so no one has found her innocent.

"The freeze was lifted and I was left being homeless and ultimately having to find a home."

Sonya had used money on May 16, 2016 to get a U-haul for $330. So no freeze then.

"My business was on the brink. I had just opened the doors not even a month , which was going to pay all the money back, but unfortunately Michael chose to read without question and make me out to be this bad person. I have an answer to all these and it's all very long, involved and many intricate details..."

And all BS. 

"I will not accept that I spent all my mom's savings, that's absolute bullsh!t. And he has no idea of how it is to be on the frontlines to care for her, my 3 kids, and 6 student interns, as well as a plethora of clients to be shut down at a screeching halt. There was more to the story than the account and I was never asked or talked to or concerned with an alternative route so we would all be ok."

Denial, denial denial, then me, me, me. Obfuscate, obfuscate, obfuscate. One of those 3 kids is a grown man in college. As far as never being asked, Mike could never get a word in, so he never had an opportunity to ask and even if he did, Sonya would probably lie to him, like she did about the child support.

"My mom was forced to short sell her house in three days by Gene only getting about $500,000.00 when her house was worth $700-$800,000. Then she was forced to move into a senior community costing $7000 a month for two years. Anyway he can blame me, but how cowardly of him, when he didn't lift a finger to actually care for her a day in his life. As for him saying it will be my fault for her death, I will say the same about him."

According to Redfin.com, on December 5th the house was listed for sale for $545,000, it was under contract on the 11th and sold January 15, 2014 for $552,000. It's kind of hard for me to find comps for that area for 2014 in 2018. Yes, now houses are going for $700-$800K, but I did manage to find another house in the area selling in January 2016 for $625K. The house across the street sold in the Summer of 2010 for $350K. Carol and Gene had to sell because they kept falling in the driveway and having to call 911 to pick them up. Gene was a double amputee with a big a$$ truck. Because they were married the house belonged to both of them. Doesn't matter that it was Sonya and Mike's childhood home. The kids did not own the house.

Carol and Gene had to move into a senior community for their health. There was the constant falling because they were on a steep hill. Carol had worsening Parkinson's in addition to her Diabetes Type 1. Gene was also diabetic, with anger management issues. Senior care costs money. Sonya had complained about the last place Carol lived, nickle and diming their mother. No that was for services rendered! But all Sonya probably could see was money she wrongfully thought was hers slipping away. 

Then she ends with another guilt bomb. The family dynamics at play here did not lend themselves to Mike doing more for his mother until the conservatorship. While Carol was married to Gene, Mike could just call his mother and have annual visits. Gene was a miserable old bastard and very untrusting. Carol was vague. Mike and Carol's phone and in person conversations (that I witnessed) had the depth of a thimble. Sonya and Gene hated each other. Mike tries to be the peacemaker, he didn't care for Gene but usually tried to be nice to him. Mike also respected the fact that his mother was married to Gene and there are things in a marriage that make the wishes of the adult children secondary. Gene had only been dead a month before Sonya became their mother's POA.

"I have more to say but I'm too heated and will message back when I find my documentation. Until then I'm not going to accept his irrational judgements against me period."

Never got any documentation... probably because there is none. Yes, these claims that we have with hundred's of pages of bank statements, the court investigator's report, and conflicting messages, all irrational.... This is why I fear for N Kim's (the little girl) safety. I want to reach out to her father because a woman who would deny the facts in front of her when presented would also be in denial if one of her loser boyfriends harmed that little girl. I will sleep on in. Next month, if I feel this way, I will.

"I did my best I could without having much opportunity to work and make an income. Even the law pays a family member to care for family, but because she was a teacher and didn't pay into Social Security, she was not eligible for those types of services. How was I supposed to care full time with no income."

She could have left well enough alone, and allowed Carol to stay at the Atria. But no, she decided to take her mother out of the hands of professionals and DIY it. There might be a program that provides some money for family members who care for other family members. That was probably though MediCal. Because of the generous pension Carol had, I don't know if she would have qualified. I was under the impression that it was Medi-Cal or Medicare that was providing the nurse who came in to care Carol... before Sonya threw her son across the room and frightened the nurse away.

Did Sonya do her best? Maybe the best that a chronically unemployed chronic enthusiast with anger management and other mental health issues who dropped out of school could manage. But even if she wasn't a crazy stoner high school drop out, the way she saw her mother, and brother as ATMs that she could use, would have resulted in the same way. We thought it was mismanagement, it was greed.

"The Uber stuff was Mike1 using the card to get himself to school and basketball practice everyday. So yes, I agree that was bad. But I also had faith all would work out because my business was already making a return."

Well one thing she admits not being good.

Why the heck did Mike1 have access to Carol's account? I don't blame the teen, he's a minor. Sonya gave him access. 

So there we have it. Sonya only admits letting her teenage son have access to his grandmother's money was bad. But stealing her mother's money for child support and other things, she's in complete denial. There is no point confronting her with this unless I can convince (she's not the only one in the family who plays the denial game) her brother, to file charges. She cannot repay what she stole. Sonya has a negative net worth. She is no good at making money. Last we heard, she was homeless. I highly suspect Carol was providing Sonya with financial help well before the sale of the house and the moves to senior housing. The spigot has been turned off and Sonya is now forced with having to figure out how to live after burning (no, exploding) all her bridges.

Steal from your mother to pay child support April-May 2016 part 2

Please see part one.

In an effort to keep this simple I am not going to reprint the a couple year's worth of Facebook messages. I will sum them up because Sonya's messages to her brother are lengthy. Also at a point Mike, the brother of Sonya and the son of the victim Carol, stops communicating via Facebook and I'm the one managing his Facebook page.

Mike became conservator of his mother in the Summer of 2016 and began the difficult task of trying to care for her 3000 miles away. July 15, 2016 Sonya sent a short message asking for help with rent. This was a month after she was cut off from her mother's funds. Mike responded that day that we could not help her as we were dipping into our savings to deal with Carol's various health crises, part of which was caused by Sonya not making sure Medicare and Kaiser were paid. By that time we had dipped into savings to pay for lawyers and a bond, along with the other things Carol needed. December 2016, Mike sent a FB message to Sonya asking her to see their mother. Apparently, she had their mother hang out with some of Sonya's friends from DC.

August 8, 2017 Mike sent a FB message telling Sonya he was taking their mom out of California to care for her. Sonya hadn't been visiting their mother on any regular basis, and as usual Sonya's phone number had changed and Mike had no way of reaching her. Mike contacted Sonya's ex who gave a number but we're not sure if it was valid. August came and went and Mike brought Carol to live at Independence Court in Hyattsville, MD. Mike visited at least once or twice a week.

October 15, 2017 Sonya contacted Mike via FB messenger asking for money on behalf of her son Mike1. By this time Mike was fully aware of the lies Sonya had told and did not trust this. Mike did not respond so this was followed by a long rant from Sonya trying to send Mike on another guilt trip. This was followed by three audio recordings of Sonya, Mike1 and Rocci, where Sonya claimed Rocci was verbally abusing the teenage son Mike1. I only listened to two of the recordings. Everyone is horrible. She then sends another message telling Mike never to contact her or her kids.

By December 2017 Mike gave up on FB because our friends can get too political. I updated it from time to time to keep the people at Mike's church updated with Carol's health so they could pray for them. That's when I caught a message Sonya sent, all apologetic and sweet. I responded, letting her know it was me, and I'd pass it on to Mike. She did not care for me acting as a filter between her and her brother and mother. That same day, mean nasty Sonya was back. She set off my own mean streak, so in between updating her about her mom's health, I also egged her on. I'm going to blame being bored and being stuck home with a new baby (Mike2). So here is the exchange.

 Later

In part 3 I'll go over this last part.

Steal from your mother to pay child support April-May 2016 part 1

If I want to get my husband Mike's blood boiling I will bring up this incident, where his sister Sonya, who was the POA for their mother Carol, stole $10,000 to pay for back child support. I'm not a master manipulator like Sonya, so although it temporarily riles him, he goes back to his normal self and forgets the whole thing and treats his sister as a decent human, not the piece of trash that she has become.
So in April 2016 Sonya transferred  $10,160.26 to another account under her mother's name.

The next month on May 11, 2016, there was a charge of exactly $10,160.26 for CHILD SUPPORT COLLECTIONS.

The hold on Sonya's beautician's license that was there in March 2016 for "Family Support" had been released later.

Mike was aware that 10,000 left their mother's account but Sonya played dumb acting as if she had no idea why that money was gone.

  

"I'm so confused" my ass.

This is long already. In part 2, I confront Sonya about this. You won't believe her lame answer.

Sonya Henry stole her momma's money

This blog is mainly a release for me.

But you know, let's let it all hang out today. I'm alone with a baby, who has been needed to be entertained all friggin day and the spouse is dealing with his mom's health crisis de jure.

So yesterday, Sonya, the sister that stole/ embezzled/ mismanaged her mother's retirement making the poor woman, poor, contacts her brother, my DH, via Facebook. It is a long and very apologetic (not apologizing for anything in particular mind you) message about how she misses her mom, yadda, yadda, yadda. Now my dear husband claims to never use facebook and swears that he's getting off Facebook because of this that and whatever, so I'm the one updating his page, so I see the message she sent.

His family is wading in denial. He knows she stole money including 10K that she used to pay child support. I mentioned it to their mother, but it seemed to barely register. She doesn't know why anyone would be angry with her. I've been told not to accuse her of anything by my husband.

So I responded to her message, explained that her brother isn't the one on Facebook and I'll pass the message on to him. Then she asked for his phone number. I still have vivid memories of Sonya screaming on the phone at my DH while we were shopping in IKEA. She has anger issues. We think she may be bipolar. So I truthfully wrote that his number has been the same. Then I followed up with "give him some time". That set her off. A few hours later there is this nasty message about how it is her right to have her mother's contact info.

I'm gonna have to bring this up again in confession, because I'm getting a perverse kick out of playing with her. My DH, after I read him his sister's nastygrams, wants nothing to do with her. We've already determined the woman is toxic. She made it so bad their stepmother had to sell her house and run away to Florida. DH is not going to unleash this mentally ill woman on his mother, especially after their mom's latest health scare. Against my DH wishes I'll point out what exactly she has done, as kindly as possible.... in the name of Jesus.

You don't know what you know till you get it in writing

DH had to deal with Mom's bank again.
Earlier this week DH emailed his contact at the bank regarding some other problem. Today he got a call from the bank from another person, not his contact person. This person, last week, alerted us to a liability we were completely unaware of, let's call her C3. We'd (really DH) been working with our #1 contact (C1) and a secondary contact (C2) for the past 2 months. Lots of back and forth calls and more recently, back and forth emails.
Well C3 comes out of the blue about a liability that C1 & C2 completely failed to mentioned the existence of in the past 2 months.  When we found out about this liability, DH emailed C1 and later at my insistence, called customer service. Unfortunately, the problem or getting some concrete info was above customer service and their manager's pay grade. C3 calls again wanting DH to do something about the liability to find out C1 and C2 are out of the office for the week. Also C3 claims that DH was informed of the liability last month.
Uh, no.
The problem with the numerous phone calls is and has been whatever information is transmitted about Mom's accounts or whatever is whatever DH happens to scribble down or happens to remember from the conversation. The only thing we know is he got a call or he made a call, the contents of the call are unknown unless the NSA would like to provide us with a copy. There is nothing in writing; nothing in email that alerted us to the existence of the liability. Well nothing until DH decided to write the bank about it this weekend.
SIL (sister in law) left a mess when she decided she was done with the care of Mom. Well the whole plan to care for Mom was a disaster from the start, but that is just my opinion. When Adult Protective Services got involved you have to wonder what went wrong (Mom running away from SIL). However we really don't know what went wrong because we have to go on what people are telling us and the story keeps changing, even from the same people. I'm trying to impress upon DH he needs to get it in writing, whatever anyone is saying, get it in writing, because it can change next week.

Spend it down & mental support

I attended church with DH this past weekend, we belong to two different denominations, so once a month I attend his church. I'd been pressuring him to talk to an elder or the pastor, particularly one elder who is professionally knowledgeable. But, for obvious reasons he's put it on the backburner, and so I took it upon myself to talk to two deacons who also happened to be friends, and tell them what is going on.

Prior to service, friend deacon, let's call him D1/. Deacon#1, was supposed to be greeting. My DH was teaching Sunday School and so left me in the foyer with D1 and coffee/tea. D1 is a bachelor with parents in their 80s and so he also talked about the challenges  to attempting to look out for his independent living parents. As people milled through, heading either to snag a seat in the sanctuary or arrive late to Sunday School, Deacon #2 (D2) arrived and joined us. D2 is also a bachelor but his parents are deceased and he had to take over and care for his father before he passed.

D2 told me that with his father the nursing home his father was supposed to go to from the hospital approached him regarding a long-term financial plan. We sorta, kinda have a place in mind for Mom, but since DH hasn't signed or committed to anything, this was the first of us hearing such a thing. Our concern was that there wasn't enough money left for years of care (and we would like her to live as long as possible). D2 told us with his father the nursing home talked about a spend down program. The idea is that you spend down all the money that is left, down to the last $1,000 and then Medicare takes over.

I'll have to research this, but it gave me a sense of relief.

Yes, Mom won't have anything left to pass on to her kids or grandkids. But that's okay, the main point is that she will be cared for and that's all we care about.

After service, I kept an eye out for an elder, not the financially savvy one, but the one DH loves best. DH joined D1 & D2 in chatting as I scolded crazy kids who were running around like chickens with their heads cut off. We talked some more about our situation with Mom and D1 & D2 provided more advice and emotional support. When I saw that the elder I was looking for disengage from another post-service conversation and walk over to his wife, I signaled to DH that he should go to that elder. DH was able to make an appointment for later this month to talk to the elder.

My beloved DH tends to keep things close to the vest, not saying anything till it is complete or he has all the information, which could be never. So without prodding, he probably would not let on to anyone at his church that anything was going wrong. Which is absurd, because he knows how the church supports its members who are going through challenging things, with assistance, counseling, and sometimes money from the Deacon's Fund. It was good just to talk to D1 & D2, they were very helpful and supportive and I think we are in a better place because of them. 

Someone Needs to Write an Eldercare Advice Book for Disfunctional Families

When I started looking for how to help DH for dealing with his mother's finances I looked on line searching for how to locate an elderly parent's accounts and assets, I found nothing helpful for us. The advice given on the eldercare, retirement, and authoritative sites was to talk to the elderly parent and make a plan with them.

That's great if you have one of those Hallmark Card families where everyone is open and honest and not suffering from dementia.  It is even better if you 're not dealing with step-parents who don't trust you or even like you and think it's none of your damned business. It is horrible to say, but thankfully that step-parent is dead. But that step-parent is the reason why we could have never ever had a nice little heart to heart sit down to "make a plan" regarding their finances and the future of my mother in law's care. It was never going to happen. My mother in law (MIL) has since had a stroke since her 2nd husband's death and among her other health problems her memory is not so great, so even approaching MIL about her finances since the death of hubby #2 (aka the step-parent) is a no go, 'cause she doesn't remember jack.

So MIL can't remember what accounts she has or had, or what accounts she and her 2nd husband had... I should note 2nd husband was a paranoid nut, so he probably hid money somewhere. So now what? I starting looking at divorce websites. Now Google probably thinks I want to leave my husband, I don't. But I thought, okay who would be looking for hidden assets? Divorced/divorcing women. I learned something, those sites saying they can find accounts may not be all that they are cracked up to be. It will cost some real money to locate assets and I don't think MIL or 2nd husband had that much hidden away.

All this has me worried about taking care of an aunt who is the same age as MIL. Auntie is relatively healthy, active and fiercely independent. I have dropped hints that she should have a plan for when it is time for me to care for her. I've gotten the 'none of your damned business' vibe from her. She is of the belief that one day she'll be active and running around and then the next day dead, no nursing home, just in her condo with stairs and then in the ground dead. She's fine with being dead, she's not too keen on being frail and having to have long term care.

I am still looking for advice for dealing with our situation for something that looks like our family.

Kaiser Permanente's phone people need training

We are Kaiser members.
DH's Mom has been a Kaiser member for decades and decades.
So silly us thought Kaiser, which is normally awesome and forward thinking and convenient would be all those things and a bag of Xanax.
Nope, nope, nopey, nope. Well at least on the phone.
DH has seemed to fix for now the problem of the dropped Medicare Part D (thought it was part B) that was due to sister in law not paying the bill back in January of this year. Because he is the conservator he is trying to get electronic access to her Kaiser account so he can make her appointments, check on her meds, see test results, all the normally cool stuff you can see on KP.org .
Well yesterday DH discovered that:
1) West Coast Kaiser computer systems don't talk to East Coast Kaiser computers
2) The people on customer service phone lines give contradictory information and need more training

DH has been on the phone with West Coast Kaiser (California Northern) asking how to get online access so he can manage Mom's health care from the Mid-Atlantic region. First encounter, the computers were down or the system was down and they couldn't make it happen. Fine, we understand as we've experienced computer problems in our own work. Call again, then they discover we're all members so he is told all he needs to do is go to a local Kaiser facility and talk to the in person customer service. So DH takes his forms proving he has conservatorship and his ID to his local Kaiser, and the customer service is not open. So then he went to the one downtown, because there are several Kaisers in the DC metro area. They are open, but the Mid-Atlantic Kaiser computers don't talk to the Northern California systems. This was discovered when they looked for Mom's patient ID number in the system and could not find it in the system. So he was told to get a form we saw online to request access and mail that in. *Sigh*

When DH came home he was upset and frustrated. Part of it relates to other things he's trying to do, part of it Kaiser related. Regarding getting Mom's meds for her Parkinsons and diabetes and getting access to all of her current and past medical information he has been told conflicting information. He believes the people who do customer service via the phone should have more training.

As I wrote, normally Kaiser is really good and this has been terribly disappointing.

Dealing with Lawyers tip- email don't call

My husband, who is trying to take over the care of his mother from the other side of the country is dealing with lawyers, very expensive $150-$300 an hour lawyers, who specialize in elder law. He wants to call them about this that and the other thing.

Voice is a lovely thing, however at $2.50 or $5 a minute a guy who punctuates his speech with a lot of "and um, and um, ums" and pauses while he gathers his thoughts should stay the hell away from the phone with people so damned expensive. But he loves talking with people, even if he doesn't know what questions to ask.

These lawyers have email. It is just a matter of getting my wonderful husband to use that instead of expensive calls.

Don't I sound frustrated?

If I could actually do something I would, but I have no legal standing in any of this.

The other problem is all this is confusing so a phone call seems like a waste when you need the lawyer to explain, AGAIN, what the heck you need to do. In an email, you can go back and read the email.

However, email isn't the end all. You can get forms but you can't send them back to the lawyer via email. We were trying to be careful with Mom's social security number, which I've nearly memorized. So at $44 a pop we mail things via FedEx to the lawyer that can't go into a drop box where we hope the folks at the law office doesn't email to someone in their office.

The lawyers tell us that Mom's estate or the "conservatorship" will reimburse us.... well when we thought there was money left, we believed that. But it appears there is no money, and we will have to dip into our own savings. I'm going to get pissy, my savings, as I'm the breadwinner and it was my system of saving and my larger earnings that made that saving possible. Financial management is not my husband's strong suit, nor his sister's.

We already ate through the $5000 retainer and he's been told there is another $5000 bill waiting for him when the lawyer's work is done.