Oh yeah, we need to document this

Originally written 7/14/2016 and sat in draft form. I am publishing it in 2018.

One of many things I need to harass my beloved about is making a diary of sorts of his interactions with Adult Protective Services, the lawyers, Social Security, Medicare, the bank, Kaiser Permenente, maybe even the lady who runs the house where Mom is staying.

The reason being is we'd like to get refunded or at least get some credit for dipping into our own savings. The lawyer said we could get refunded for the retainer, so I agreed to pull out 25% of our emergency savings for his retainer. I would really like that money back. It takes a while to build those funds back up. Then there was paying for Mom's medicare....

This also goes back to someone at the bank saying they told us of X, when they did not.

Trust but verify

This was written as a draft back in 2016. I decided to publish in 2018.

"Trust but verify"
-- Russian Proverb

Earlier this year my husband was told by Adult Protective Services that the accounts were frozen to keep my sister in law from spending more of Mom's money.

Well that was a lie.

When we finally got bank statements, after requesting them, we saw, well I saw (because DH doesn't do finance) that sister in law (SIL) was spending money well up until the time DH took over the finances and had the money transferred to the conservator account. We were recently told those old accounts are still active. Those are the accounts the pension (she does not get social security) and what's left of the investment account direct deposits into. As far as we know SIL is back to spending Mom's money.

Nothing runs automatically or smoothly in the transition. We are told things that are not true (like the accounts are frozen) or told incomplete information that only when we verify or attempt to verify discover that there are more steps. Just because you write a check to Social Security for the Medicare that wasn't paid for, doesn't mean it is reinstated. Just because Kaiser said they are sending the medication via mail does not mean the medication will be sent. Just because the pension people said that the direct deposit will be changed in 2-3 weeks after you turn in the form, does not mean that the direct deposit will be changed. Just because the lawyer said you'd get conservatorship in about a week... you know.

It was frustrating for me because at the start of this I was trying to get him to get on-line access to the accounts so he could monitor them. Or more accurately, I could monitor them. But no. So in So at the bank said she opened the conservator account and checks will arrive. Another person at the bank sent a balance statement where only the last few numbers of the account were shown, and to my DH that was okay with him. Same thing with Kaiser and the pension, there is the possibility of tracking these things on line but he prefers the annoyance of having to contact various persons at various institutions to leave messages or wait for them to get back to him and play "mother may I" with various staff instead of directly controlling what can be directly controlled. I find it very frustrating.

My DH is in not trust mode. It is an ugly side of him. He is normally a very trusting, somewhat gullible guy at times, but quite cheerful. This process is turning him into a bitter, distrustful and slightly paranoid bastard, well when he thinks about caring for his mother.

So he has to contact the bank to request that all those accounts get closed. He has to track down where the pension money is and where did it go.

UPDATE- I shared part of this with DH and he made an effort to see what could and could not be accessed online. The pension is a no go, it is only for the pensioner, not conservators or those with POA. Kaiser is working on it and he'll have to go to the local office. DH is a good guy, but this is too much for him alone.

Baseline- Carol and Gene January 2015

Well the reason why I'm detailing what happened called up her brother's work number yesterday and released a little crazy on him. She didn't go all out cray-cray. I've seen her do that and that is why she does not have her brother's cell phone number.
Anyway...

 

Once again this is from a two page statement showing the activity in Carol's and her 2nd husband's bank account. They were spending more than what the Pershing brokerage disbursements and Carol's teacher's pension was bringing in in December and November. However, they still had funds somewhere in savings or investment accounts to draw upon to cover the difference. There were 5 withdrawals less than a thousand dollars, 4 deposits a tad under $7K and two checks. We can see a transfer from another account on 1/7/2015 of $500. The payments from this account covered insurance and medicare and something AT & T was providing.

Once again, I believe a lot of their day to day shopping and needs were done via another account, credit maybe, or Gene's account that I am not privy to or don't have copies of. During the conservatorship scramble, we discovered a credit card account that had a couple of thousand owed on it. We're sure there is another out there, but they are both dead and not going to get anything.

What we don't see in this statement is the hospitalization of Carol and Gene. They both had health emergencies and were hospitalized. There is a lot I don't know because Carol was incapacitated at the time and Gene was uncooperative and at times wanted nothing to do with his wife's children. His relationship with the local adult child, Sonya was hostile. There were moments where it seemed that they would patch up and make up and rally for the sake of Carol, but no. Gene died a bitter angry man whose only known family were his hospitalized wife and her adult children.

After February 2015, in March the spending patterns change, drastically. I'm probably not going to post February 2015 because it is more of the same and looks similar to December and January.

Baseline- Elderly people spending patterns

To better appreciate the harm done by the daughter Sonya, to her mother Carol, you need to look at Carol's spending patterns prior to her daughter gaining power of attorney and the ability to use her mother like an ATM. Now this is just one account, this does not show the credit card account that Carol had, and had used for Christmas gifts and spending. No, this just shows some basic spending, so we will take a deep dive and look at how Carol and her husband Gene used the account.

 

The account in December begins with $40,170.41. There are 2 deposits, these are from Carol's teacher's pension and disbursements from the couple's Pershing Brokerage account. The deposits total $3600.17. There are 12 withdrawals, one for a television dish and a few premiums, including Medicare. Because this is an older generation, Carol being in her early 70s and Gene in his late 60s, they are check writers. Checks #2369 and #2376 are over $5K and I will assume this is for their housing. Gene and Carol were diabetics, Gene being worse off being a double amputee, so he was in need of greater care. Knowing how much was paid for Carol's later care in the DC area, $5K a month for 2 people with serious health care needs seems like a bargain.

Almost a year prior to this, Carol and Gene sold their home (her home, she shared it with her 1st husband and their children Mike & Sonya). It is unknown how much was still owed on the house, given American's habits to refinance and take cash, every few years, tapping the equity. At the best they might have had $500K somewhere from the sale, but more than likely they may have had $400K, that was placed in several accounts, including the Pershing brokerage account that provided about $700 a month in income.

Compared to later bank statements that I will explore later in this blog, the account is lightly active. Things come in, things go out. There are no grocery, clothing, or restaurant expenses for the debit card. I will assume those were done via the credit card, which have statements, I cannot locate at this time. The majority of the activity is by check and without copies of the cancelled checks, and those cost something like $.25 a pop from the bank, I can only assume what they may be for.

Baseline- The accounts before Sonya drained her mother's retirement

In order to get a sense of what went wrong, it helps to look at things before they went south. So to get a baseline I requested copies of my mother in law Carol's bank statements during the time she and her husband were living together, before he died.
The statements between November and February tend to be no more than 2 pages per month. There is little activity beyond deposits of Carol's pension, disbursements from an investment account, and payments for medicare and healthcare.

Image of November 2014 statement- see https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WezHO1UU1XEh_AtaM9Dv3dTAkdx656J6/view?usp=sharing

Though both parties (Carol and Gene) are dead and legally have no more privacy I thought it prudent to remove their surnames, social security numbers, address and account numbers. Some of the redactions are from my poor scanner's failure to do a decent OCR scan and forcing me to figure out how to digitally black out the info I wanted to keep private. I searched for the information I did not want public 

In my next post I will present Carol (Carole) and Gene's December 2014 statement, which will show their large check payments, for which I will guess is for housing.

Blog Reset

Well.
My mother in law has died.
She is no longer in pain.
My husband no longer has to scramble to deal with her various ailments that had left me like a single parent as he ran to his mother's side.
Now we have time to clean up the loose ends and we can get back to our lives a little sadder.

However, there was still a wrong done. I still believe my sister in law did a grave injustice to their mother. I confronted her about it and she was in denial. So this blog will be redone to document and provide evidence of the misdeeds done so anyone can see how my mother in law was victimized.
Although it would be great if my husband, his mother's conservator, brought charges against his sister, he probably won't because he a) just wants this over with b)doesn't want to put his sole sibling in jail and c) feels that his sister's life is already a crazy mess and doesn't want to add to it.

Also I want people to know the story so if they are going through this, that they are not alone. Hopefully there will be some lessons that people can glean from our tale of woe.

Sonya Henry stole her momma's money

This blog is mainly a release for me.

But you know, let's let it all hang out today. I'm alone with a baby, who has been needed to be entertained all friggin day and the spouse is dealing with his mom's health crisis de jure.

So yesterday, Sonya, the sister that stole/ embezzled/ mismanaged her mother's retirement making the poor woman, poor, contacts her brother, my DH, via Facebook. It is a long and very apologetic (not apologizing for anything in particular mind you) message about how she misses her mom, yadda, yadda, yadda. Now my dear husband claims to never use facebook and swears that he's getting off Facebook because of this that and whatever, so I'm the one updating his page, so I see the message she sent.

His family is wading in denial. He knows she stole money including 10K that she used to pay child support. I mentioned it to their mother, but it seemed to barely register. She doesn't know why anyone would be angry with her. I've been told not to accuse her of anything by my husband.

So I responded to her message, explained that her brother isn't the one on Facebook and I'll pass the message on to him. Then she asked for his phone number. I still have vivid memories of Sonya screaming on the phone at my DH while we were shopping in IKEA. She has anger issues. We think she may be bipolar. So I truthfully wrote that his number has been the same. Then I followed up with "give him some time". That set her off. A few hours later there is this nasty message about how it is her right to have her mother's contact info.

I'm gonna have to bring this up again in confession, because I'm getting a perverse kick out of playing with her. My DH, after I read him his sister's nastygrams, wants nothing to do with her. We've already determined the woman is toxic. She made it so bad their stepmother had to sell her house and run away to Florida. DH is not going to unleash this mentally ill woman on his mother, especially after their mom's latest health scare. Against my DH wishes I'll point out what exactly she has done, as kindly as possible.... in the name of Jesus.